Saturday, March 15, 2008


Though spring is almost here, I’m not yet ready to begin my spring clean-up. While watching my sons play ball in the yard, I started walking around a bit. There are lots of branches and stuff to clean up, perennials to cut down, beds to edge and mulch, bushes to trim, and one other item with which I was hoping I wouldn’t have to deal: I have a #@$%&*^ mole!!!

It has been active sometime during the past few weeks, as I found new and old runs, in two locations. And going into a wet season it can’t be at a worse time. I haven’t had mole concerns for some time. Last year I finally bagged the one that had been dogging me from 11/2006-5/2007. Previous years were stressful times. Many people who don’t experience moles would have considered me a lunatic, but once invaded by moles, you understand they are evil minions sent forth by Satan to wreak havoc and destruction on the planet and in people’s minds. The Mole Chronicles detail the success and frustration I experienced during a mole invasion in 2004 and 2005. Yes, invasion. I had three years where I was dispatching seven or more moles each year. Just leave a request in the comments if you want me to send you a copy. Moles must be destroyed, no matter the cost.

In the words of the vast society of men working for the cause:

"Let every mole know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to eradicate this scourge from the face of the earth."


N. Schwarzkopf said...

Son,send Me a copy ... I'd like to review your battle plans.

conepile said...

I think all of the rain we have been having has temporarily stalled the battle. The mole is staying in it's hideout.

Borat said...

Look ata me. I'ma kinga ma castle, kinga ma castle!